3 Comments

From Screamer to Dreamer, or, This Crap Really Works!

The Screamer

You know I’ve always been a screamer.

Ask my physical therapist, Rick Little in Scottsdale, AZ, or my Deep Tissue Masseuse Scott at Massage Envy in Flagstaff.

While I like to think of myself as an expressive person, each of them would have other descriptions like – loud.

On appointment day with Eileen, each makes special preparations.  Rick takes me to the back room of his open, public Physical Therapy practice, closes the door and provides two pillows – one for under my head and one for over my mouth.  Scott alerts the masseuses in the next room that he is neither about to physically harm nor sexually molest his client.

It’s Eileen.

This is true. Ask them.

Deep Tissue as Tapout Session

I scream because those sessions hurt like a mofo.  For almost three years, I have viewed my physical therapy and deep tissue sessions as exercises in TapOut.  They go as deep as they can and loosen up horribly tight, crunchy, knotted muscles and soft tissues.  I bellow when I can’t take it anymore.  Along the way things like OUCH, JEEZUS, HOLY SHIT, OMG THAT HURTS emanate as needed.

ENTER JOHN JARAMILLO

About two months ago, I met a guy named John Jaramillo on Facebook.  It isn’t an internet dating story.  Seeing how loud I am on Facebook, he spoke to me about a product he was selling. John is a CrossFitter and the owner of Simply Pure Nutrients, a company that makes protein powder and recovery supplements for CrossFitters.

Simply Pure Nutrients Athletes Pack

Talk about eyes rolling back into heads.  If you know me at all, you know I hate people who try to sell me stuff. And I hate expensive protein powders and supplements.  Because I think they are a scam.  I think you can make them cheaper and better on your own.  I have never bought any and never would.

I got to know John a little and started listening.  He created his stuff, he said, after CrosFitting himself and wanting pure, good shit to put in his body.  He started the company, did the research and created the products with the help of doctors and a partner.  Hm.

TEST COUGIE

Well then. How’s this.  Send me some for free. I ain’t paying for that crap.  I’ll take it and report honestly what happens.  Done.

There are specific directions on how to take his stuff.  Again, if you know me at all, you know I can’t follow directions for more than one week.  So true to form, after a week, I stopped following directions. 

Chocolate Simply Pure and Coffee

However, every morning I put a scoop or two of his chocolate Elite Recovery Powder in my coffee.  MMMMMMM!   And every night at various times depending on my mood, I mixed some of that with almond milk or coconut milk, and sometimes with his Protein Powder.

A DREAMER

Yesterday I had my first deep tissue massage since taking John’s crap.  All I can say is that it was a life altering experience. 

Almost 15 minutes into the session, with Scott’s elbow in my back, I found myself cruising around my happy place, zoning out, day dreaming and feeling relaxed. NO PAIN.

Hey, I asked Scott,  When are you going deep?

He stopped and laughed.  E. I’m deeper than I’ve ever been.  Any deeper and my elbow would be through your lungs.

No shit?  Really?  Scott, I don’t feel you.

By this time, I’d usually have sworn at least a few times as he worked his way into my muscles. I felt pressure, but no pain.

REALLY SCOTT?  REALLY? Really.

Now it became a project.  Go here, dig there, how about my upper shoulders, what about that place in my lower back, OK, I’m ready, my glutes and butt, that always elicits a hearty shriek, OK then, go to that awful spot in my calves, warn the people in the next room.

Nope.  While some spots were more tender than others, nothing shriek worthy.

Scott said that he had never felt my body this healthy.  My muscles were not all crunchy and bunched up.  My tissues were supple. I felt like a human being.  He, being far more cynical and mistrustful of “product” than even I am, wanted to know about this new crap I am taking. 

He thought it made all the difference.

I am writing this because I am ecstatic.  I don’t like being stiff, sore and crunchy. I don’t like suffering through those needed torture sessions with the massage therapist. 

For the first time since I can remember, my body feels relaxed, loose and most important, PAIN FREE.  And the only thing that has changed is that I’m taking John’s crap.

For more info, go to Simply Pure Nutrients or find John Jaramillo on Facebook.

About Eileen Schreiber

CougiePower. Woman in her late 40s dedicated to living life beyond prescribed & inspiring others to laugh. Dedicated CrossFitter. Real Estate Agent. Not to mention Facebooker. Creator of this blog so that you have access to the opinions and wisdom of some awesome women. One day you will stare into space and say "Damn, I wish I had listened to them. They were right".

3 comments on “From Screamer to Dreamer, or, This Crap Really Works!

  1. Wonderful writing Eileen. You’re gifted in writing too. “Life beyond Rx” is a terrific name and concept. Thank you.

  2. damn it. Seriously? I truly didn’t want this crap to work because I’m poor. lol! But if it makes you feel human….WOW! Is it paleo?

  3. Good to know I am not the only one. I ordered some, will report back.

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